Best "We the People" Petition EVER

So, the White House developed a project called "We the People" where citizens can create a petition and then, if they get 5K signatures the White House would ... well, they really wouldn't do much of anything. In response to this bullshit project, a clever fellow citizen has created the best petition ever:

We demand a vapid, condescending, meaningless, politically safe response to this petition.

Since these petitions are ignored apart from an occasional patronizing and inane political statement amounting to nothing more than a condescending pat on the head, we the signers would enjoy having the illusion of success. Since no other outcome to this process seems possible, we demand that the White House immediately assign a junior staffer to compose a tame and vapid response to this petition, and never attempt to take any meaningful action on this or any other issue. We would also like a cookie.

In the spirit of this enterprising, but realistic petitioner, I'm thinking of starting my own "We the People" petition.

Oh and Paul Krugman would like a pony for everyone.